A Poem...

Well I say a Poem, it's more a collection of words that are in lines..

Assassin

I come from the shadows,
And to the shadows I return
Death come swiftly on metallic wings.

I am the taker of life,
Death in an instant or,
Death in what seems like an eternity.

Slow death, quick death,
The choice isn't yours, it is mine,
Mine alone, for I am the assassin.

Poisons to slow you down,
Poisons to kill you faster,
Poisons to cloud your mind.

From the shadows I shall step,
You shall know me, for how briefly,
Only I know that.

For who am I? I am the assassin
Lightning quick, and twice deadly,
You had better pray I am on your side.

I am the assassin,
remember me well,
Death come swiftly from blades of steel.

(c)2008.
Yeah I've been playing my Orc Rogue too much again...

Happy Birthday Dad

Well today is Dad's birthday, probably his last but you never know, he has this darn stubborn streak a mile wide..
what can I say 75 today, About all I can say really :) Well that and I better scoot off to work...

... The End seems near, maybe / other stuff...

Well the title says it all really, the end is coming, how soon I don't know but right now it's not a pretty sight, I mean there wasn't much to my dad as it was but now there is even less. My Aunt has been up all week which has helped out a lot, she's managed to have a calming effect on mum which has helped greatly although she has a few times tested my patience. My Aunt is away home went home the same way she came by bus which of course I drove her to catch, there was no way I'd have not taken her :). So it's back to cooking I suppose :P. Yeah dad is doing okay just about holding it together, he sometimes sleeps downstairs in his nice reclining chair - well sometimes being a lot of the time now as I we can fully cover him up and put the chair almost flat so he's comfortable enough and warm enough.

What else have I been doing this week well let me see:
Me and the Boss both got pissy at a PCB design program that basically worked but didn't print on the printer he had - it worked before so we knew it should work again, yet the printer printed from other programs so it was weird - turns out it was the printer as he plugged in an older model and ..... PCB prints.
Got a few alarms sorted out. I'm sure there was more but right now mind it's blank.

I was able to get out last night to see a movie but due to the weather we've been having my friend decided it would probably be best to stay at home as it was freaking windy over her way - not nice really. I went to see "Jumper" good film, it did leave it open for a "Jumper 2" - of course it had the obvious twist in it but I'm not going to say anymore other than if you liked matrix n Bourne then you might like this. I also saw a few trailers for other films which I might just go and see too.

"May Peace walk beside you and in your heart forever."

There are people out there that just by being there are helping keep me sane and strong. Just remember true friends are there always, you can lean on them for support, so Barb if ya think you don't got the strength to carry on, lean on me, lean on Laura.

Okay.....

I think there is a tiny piece of tooth left in my gum and it's fricking annoying me, you know that. If I thought I could get the sucker out I would but it seems firmly attached and well like it a very high annoyance level whenever I accidently touch it.
As for the experimenting well it didn't happen I just couldn't be bother at all so I settle for a large Pina Colada instead, which worked a treat..
Now I just have to put up with the slight gnawing pain I get it's very slight and this freaking cold I think I've gotten thrown back at me.
Oh and I find out that my dear dad don't like the ham I got for sunday dinner :| and he hasn't liked ham for a while, why oh freaking WHY could someone not have TOLD me that oh wait it's coming to me know Im supposed to be a MIND READER, roll on tomorrow so I can get back to work and some sanity, I don't know mother has honed the habit of "hovering" and I'm sorry its getting to me now, she don't even realize she's doing it either so can't see why I'm getting all tense!

It's a little better now..

Well it's a little better now the thing still annoys slightly but I was told it would for the next few days as for Jack n Capt. M. well I do like 'em both shame I can't think of a way to combo them in a glass with something else - 1 drink and you probably wouldn't care much about anything :P that reminds me of a time I thought hmm time to finish off the last of this Czechoslovakia plum brandy I had, how did I get that a good friend of mine used to go out with a girl from the country - she was a little crazy to say the least, anyway he brought back some "shop" stuff and some "Home made" stuff, the shop stuff was tame, the home made stuff hmm nice, just don't burp afterwards. Anyway back on topic, I did have some "WKD Blue" - it's basically a premixed vodak based drink - tastes bubblegum / raspberryish I just felt like I needed a change so I went to a mate who was erm "helping me out" in drinking 'em - let's erm mix these too shall we.. Well you can mix WKD aka WicKeD with port to make what is called around here as "Cheeky Vimto" because it would have the colour of vimto but a major kick. Anyway this had a kick a major one - we had enough for one glass each - believe me that was enough... I really didn't care much after that.
*hic*
I do like experimenting but not with too many different drinks in a night that tends to end up BAD...

Toothache

Ouch, ouch, hmm concentration level 0 - well that was last night, I did manage to sleep how I don't now - I think I can thank 400mg Ibuprofen for that numbed it enough.
I phoned my dentist or the one I thought I was still registered at - well if the don't deregister you after so long :( I mean I've not seen a doc in god know but I know I can go and see him if I need to.
So got another number to phone and I got an emergency appointment this afternoon for them to have a look, it's a "student place", the dentist I got looked like the boss dude, he knew what he was doing, nice enough guy.. He had a look said well there are 2 options either I can remove the filling and kill the root but there really isn't much tooth left to work with and the tooth behind had broken anyway or he could remove them both which is what I said to do. So right now I'm sitting here with half my face de-numbing and the pain starting to kick in a little. Salt water mouthwash for me tonight.
Now this is what I get for years of forgetting to brush my teeth, after the fillings I knew they were screwed anyway.

Shopping.....

Why, oh why is it when you go shopping you always end up getting things you need yet you get other things that you didn't realize you needed or are on offer and when you get to the checkout with your shopping trolley, even if it is like the smallest one they have, you've some how spent a small freaking fortune.. I mean this wasn't for like a month, this was for like a weekly shop, I swear it gets more expensive every week.
I mean I then did forget a few things, darn it if I didn't bump into my sister, her friend, the nephew and the friends 1yr old.. that interrupted my train of thought.
Oh and some Energy Saving Bulbs ain't worth it....

Valentine's Day

It's that time of year again. What you mean you didn't know, you been living in a cave for the past month. If you've forgotten it might not be too late you know might just be able to get something.
Now it's all lovey dovey today is it not, it's the day your suppose to tell someone you really care about deeply that maybe it's more than care deeply you know maybe whisper those 3 words that although sound really easy to say "I" simple enough, "love" doable I mean you could be saying I love Pizza, "you" is easy too but put all three together and it becomes something exponentially greater than the sum on it's parts, it's a powerful statement.
So maybe today just read this and then go snuggle up to that special someone if you can do something you wouldn't normally do today for your partner, you don't need to go all expensive, sometimes it's just the thought that's gone into whatever you give that counts truely. If you can't be with that special someone a call, an e-mail with a pic maybe or a video clip or just something. You never know you just might make someone's day.

Wait I hear you cry what If I like someone but they don't know how to do I do that, cards, either real or e-cards (if you got their e-mail address), some places do allow anon maybe, even if you think they suspect you like them a little more than just a friend. You just never know they maybe like you a lot too but are afraid to admit it.
You never know who you might find, you just might find the one person in all the world that you just connect with at so many different levels, soul mate why because they can just somehow touch you and touch your soul even without actually physically touching you, it's one of those things that is so hard to explain you just know when it happens. It's the kind of person who you just need to think about and you feel relaxed or you talk to them and your trouble seem to melt away. It is the most surreal, superb and incredibly strange feeling or set of feelings you'll ever have.
I'm kinda feeling that way right now as I write this, I am thinking of one person, they know who they are, as do a few others that read here, okay probably most of my readship truth be told but I'm a private kinda guy.

So Sweetie

Happy Valentines Day.

P.S. Yes people this is a kinda fudged post but hey it's actually hard to write this you know.

It's Friday!

Yeah I made it to the end of the week alive, although only just I do feel positively crap to put none to fine a point on it, The boss is to blame as he gave this freaking wonderful stinking head / chest / any space inbetween type cold I have. My head only pounds now and then it's my sinuses are all stuffed up and no matter what I do I cant unstuff 'em I mean I can breathe clearly through nose just still feel it right between the eyes. I'm drinking fluids galore to try and keep throat moist and I'm eating strepsils to keep it numb enough. It's weird thought my head only really annoys me 1st thing in the morning when I hit work, could be the atmosphere in there, someone seems to like it WARM, turns up the heating, this is dispite the fact the room has enough monitors in it to keep it warm!
Oh and the bosses little chat never happened he couldn't remember what he wanted to talk to me about so it can't have been that important :D. Now to the weekend and the cooking, shopping and freaking Ironing to do, certain things I HATE ironing and I've got a few of them to do, i.e anything bigger than a large towel and I hate it basically so bedding is out too hard to try and keep flat! Right off to try and get something to burn to DVD and then maybe a destressing watching of said item.

*cough**splutter*

Kraznox, yeah I know it's not a real word, just some made up word from Ant Bully but it pretty much sums up how I feel. I have a cold, a nasty one that's got me from head to chest and all areas in between. I've tried lemsip, it helps a little but does NOTHING for me. So I'm on the neurofen and strepsils and LOADS of tissues for my nose.. I mean it so bad I can't even be bothered to play World of Warcraft, just sit and watch a DVD with some popcorn - reminds me must test out pop corn I got ;). I managed today to screw the other works van well not really just that the link between gear stick and gearbox came loose thankfully wasn't doing any speed just turning van, oh that and a Woman today pulled out basically in front of me in her car didn't look was like "NO!!!"
Boss was to discuss a few things tomorrow not sure what and I get a feeling I may not like it, More later.
Right now to just pick a DVD and put that popcorn on.

Crash goes my perfect driving record...

Well I guess it had to happen at some point, you know the inevitable automobile accident. I had mine yesterday, in the works van thankfully - well in a way anyway. I was driving back to HQ from a new office in the van, it was snowing, road turning getting slippery, I was driving a road I drive everyday practically as it's a way from work to home as well. I come up to a bend see 2 cars stuck on the bend hazards lights on, I stop to let traffic coming down the road passed, I look think yeah it's clear to proceed, go to drive off no grip, by the time I had grip car was coming the other way, smack I was able to stop I don't think the other car had any grip what-so-ever, that and they'd only just got the car why they were driving that road in those conditions in a newish car is beyond me. Anyway my bumper smacked right into the middle of the other cars front grille, not pretty. Police were called, insurance details exchanged, with the insurance company now, I may be charged under the road traffic act, great there goes my clean drivers license :( :( :(. I would have posted this yesterday but was too numb to post anything meaningful about anything and I'm beginning to go that way again so I'll stop now..

Happy Monday

Hey people, yeah it's a Happy Monday why!
No bullshit from the sister today or for a while now she must be freaking learning..
Although on another note I think I'm going to have to let them in on a little secret - no not this blog, this is top secret from them (evil of me I know but Tough!!!!), no the secret that any electrical gadgetry that gets bought for the house I buy and get the money back later, I mean you'd think they could figure that out that many of the lights we have I bought, the digital TV reciever we have I bought and got the replacement when it died.. No they didn't they got a new vacuum cleaner even although the old one works it's just a bit noisy and maybe just needs a good clean out as all that gets done to it is the bag changed and when it wears out the drive belt nothing else. But No they got a new one and the ONLY way mum found out was because get this it wasn't the cheap one she'd heard about and wanted but a more expensive one they had to get and weren't sure, please note mother ISN'T allowed to use this cleaner or the old one since her operation. They also unwisely got another Digital TV receiver aka a DigiBox for the spare room so dad could got to sleep there with it on and not have mother worrying so much that he was falling asleep and getting cold, not to freaking mention all the lights & the TV being left on BURNING money and at 14.5p / KWh I object to shit like that as I have to top up the meter £ 15 used to now it's £20 and it's not even like it's lasting a week :|. I might have to turn off all my PC's if this continues so the valuable work they do when I'm not on them would be lost forever... I do know one reader who knows hat I'm on about as that's how in around about way I came to be on blogger because of this particular nice lady and team mate... She's still a nice lady (dispite what her kids may say about her).
Oh and it's happy me at work now although last week was a swine (read previous post) Oh and it took me most of wednesday / thursday to get the office back to rights with everything else that was going on, still a few things to be sorted but alas they are outside my realm of expertise.

So peace y'all

Devil - Deep Blue

Hmm feel like I fucking stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea here aka the rock and a hard place.
Just as I was about to leave on Friday, boss asked to have a word..
Thought?????
He ripped into me saying I didn't look "interested" the day before when I was out working, in a bar pulling cable and it was fucking cold and I wasn't feeling 100% but of course that would have been seen as a "lame" excuse so I didn't even bother..
Basically told that another note would go in my file, that we both knew this, that he wouldn't put a written in although he could have. Apprently my colleague aka his son, sounded pissed off when he called to see how things were and all he saw was me cold, jacket wrapped around me looking miserable (aka not interested) and then I ask a question is "there anything else needs done?" a genuine question, I can't fucking read minds!
Today, I found out I was going to be working late, thought I have the job done by 4 but alas not so phoned, got sister, said I'd be able half an hour maybe, was 1 1/2 hrs...
I got the impression from the phone call I got back from her that I maybe should just give up the job since my hours "weren't suiting her" aka I was late, I don't work fixed fucking hours and she knows that already, of course if this happens again or I think i'll be running late I'll have that worry on my mind, not concentrate fully on job in hand and get fired for it or asked to leave etc...
So Do I 1) Resign with good reason 2) Stick it out even if I have no sanity left..

Wading through the BS!

Okay, meant to post this yesterday but well forgot and well it's incredible really...
Okay mum did get shouted but only because she shouted at my sister 1st saying my dad was hungry, reply why not making him a sandwich - thing is my dad eats something and that's it for like 3-4-5 hrs, what they meant was like a cup of tea and maybe a biscuit but hey I wasn't there so as far as I'm concerned it could be BS!
They have applogised to dad in around about way or so they say. The op mum had will cause mood swings apparently but that's not being taking into consideration at all, also one sister has got the whole 9 yards of sobbing to a fine art you know the kind the "but,but,but" blubbering that a kid would do that style and going I'm worried what if this and if that and what if something else a lot of fucking what if's and I now have a "list" of things to do like I don't have enough to funking do - cooking dinner, putting dishwasher on, wiping stuff down, putting the washing on, doing the ironing, zoning out totally!
It includes stuff that I'm like WHY the fuck am I do I have to do that, I mean they come down they could surely do that take them no time as they are used to it..
ARGH!!!!

Would you do this....

Okay here's the situation as you know mum isn't well, got headaches but the doc says she'll have them for a few months due to the operation she had, Dad isn't keep so good and what doesn't help is my "delightful" sisters coming in and yelling at mum to not do something like she's 5 yr old in front of my dad who they are "worried" about.
Now they are threatening to put her in a home which I think will pretty much kill dad but of course they are so blind they won't see that - my oldest sister I think is comparing mum to her mother-in-law who had senile demetia or parkinson's or something like that and couldn't be trust with anything. I get half the story from them and then I get the other half when I get home and the thing is, mum can do stuff she knows her limits or rather thinks she does steps over them and feels crap and get dad worried..
I'm doing what I can honest and dad knows this.
Okay she was told not to do anything heavy duty, no hoovering, ironing etc anything that would involve a lot of weight on her right hand as it's not 100% yet, she did get taking in on sunday as she did some hoovering but I think she overdid it - lesson learned - no she got shouted at on the monday about it, I get "told" as well, getting sick of that "tone" now.
Also she was told there was stuff in the freezer that she could cook for her and dad if I was going to be late or if they fancied it but now she isn't allowed as they might want chips with it - thing is this, mother never ever leaves the chip pan unattended - we have one that sits on the stove, it does the job nicely but no that's not good enough I think what's happening is sisters are hearing 2nd / 3rd hand and taking it the wrong way, nothing new there! She was told off about that as well before the both stormed out, now what was I saying about 5 yr olds...
None of this of course helps dad out he gets tensed up and that him all day practically. Today one of them was in and acted like "nothing" had gone on, no apology nothing....

So the question is this HOW The funk would you deal with this, stuck in the middle as I am should do apart from take both my sisters and bang their heads together!
I don't think mum should be in a home but I won't be asked that question as my sister will DECIDE, over my dad's dead body - his words by the way, not mine.

Is it really almost a week since New Year.

Well it seems longer than that let me tell you. As you know I was working every day and that's probably why it seems longer than and having to do the logistics for the house not easy especially when you try and do the shopping on-line and you don't get any aisle selection so thus can't select anything at all, I eventually did find a form filled it out and I hope it's dealt with soon..
I'm going to speak to the boss about a slight change in hours short term that is.
To everyone out there who's left a comment or written me an e-mail saying they are thinking of me, thank you - although that doesn't even cover it.
To a few very special people out there I want to thank not you but your mother's for bringing you into this world, teaching you all they could about right and wrong and even although they are getting on in years, your not old just a recycled teenager :), thank you.

Happy New Year 2008

Happy New Year to everyone, I hope 2008 is good to you all.
I know a few things will happen this year that can't be prevented and I'm prepared for them I think.
I am the rock, I am the strength - must learn to ignore sisters being bitchy to me!
Yeah that's right I apperently can't do **** all without some form of instruction!
Seriously I'm 33 and I can cook ya know, let me see item A takes 45 minutes at this tempreture, and this take so long on the top of the stove :D.... I can cook, just never had to for a while.
I am "mother" right now, I have to cook, do the washing and stuff like that till mother is more able to do some of it again since she's not quite right yet.
Dad on the other hand ain't so hot, but were taking each day at a time, just hope he gets time to sample that fine single malt I got him for Christmas.
Peace, Joy and love to all my friends new and old, I wish you happiness, prosperity and love in 2008.

Post Christmas Post

Sorry couldn't resist the title, well another week over and done with I suppose.
So what did I get given to me:
Another bleeding winter car care kit - like I need one of those, still got the last one :P, 2 bottle of Morgan's Spiced Rum :D, a couple of new light weight jackets, a new watch that I'll need to get adjusted for my slender wrist :P, some clothes, a little bit of chocolate, a miniature of bailey's n a glass and a few other bits n pieces.
I gave good presents I hope :P.
Now as to how the rest of the crew here, mum is a little better but not much she's now taking antibiotics as it appears the wound on her head is a little infected :|, Dad isn't so hot either, having trouble breathing - thinks it the same thing as he's had fluid on the lung, he's had his meds changed and he's now got a nice recliner chair - I wannna know where's mine!
Oh well I'll get there once I've done the cooking, cleaning, washing n ironing - basically I'm "Mother" now to the 2 kids that my parents are becoming, I swear my sisters are like that > "||" close to snapping and telling them where to go that's how annoying they are with them, me I don't see that as I when I'm in they are either just getting up or they've been up all day and are thus tired.
I'm having to hit the ground running as well I do know how to do this stuff just not needed to until now, I do cook but I guess I'll be doing that and a lot more.
So if someone wants to pass the prozac now I'll get going :D

An a week on.....

Well a week on and it's all change.
Mum got home on Monday much to me and my sister's surprise, she's still not 100% and is getting frustrated because she can't get out the word she really wants to say. Social Work has been involved they were here on Wednesday and again yesterday "assessing" what is needed - I feel this should have been done BEFORE mum got out but there you go that's how it works these days :|, None of us here are sure what's going on really so it's a fucking pain in the ass I've no doubt it will take a week or so to settle down I guess doesn't freaking help I have to be at work all day. My aunt went back home on Wednesday morning as I wouldn't let her miss her grandson's first Christmas and she wasn't going to either :), which brings me to another thing I tried to order her a nice bottle of 12 yr old Antiquary for a shop I know the specialises in whisky in Edinburgh but alas I mistyped my googlemail address - gogglemail ftw :| and thus it wasn't till I used another e-mail address that I found out the freaking bank had apprently declined my card - I called the bank they couldn't see WHY it would have happened as I have plenty funds in my account etc.. So I'll just have wait and see if I get the bottle at all. Works been a no-fun week as well which hasn't helped any. I'm looking forward to a oh so fun filled weekend (not!) as it looks like number 1 mug here will have to do all the shit mum usually did so no relaxation for me :|. Oh well at least I have Christmas day off work!
Goes to find a glass n some ice - I need something cold!

Time for an update

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Date: 14/12/07 error #03 - incorrect date found date isn't 13/12/07 (N/y)? y
Date update completed, data updated.
Yeah I think I lost a day somewhere not sure actually it this could be any day this week they are all kinda blending into one at the moment and that's without the aid of alcohol thank you very much!
Okay last post so to speak mother was waiting to have a head scan, that got done pronto somehow as I went shopping thinking yeah I can finally get it all done maybe - silly me, I get a call to go to the hospital they want to see us, this came from oldest sister, yeah I got 2 so trouble in stereo! Anyway they said they had done the scan and were transferring her to a bigger hospital to have an operation done to drain the bruise that was causing all the problem, now the hospital where she was at was easy to get to, the bigger one is a pain in the ass as it was in Edinburgh which is further away and a nightmare to drive to/from. Operation was done sunday night both sisters went over and keep us updated as to what was happening.
I took Monday off so a few things could get done and I could take dad an my aunt over to see mum who was awake & flat on her back as she had to be - I just want to know what was in the oxygen ... :D
Back to work on Tuesday as there wasn't any point in taking more time off work.
She was transfered back on Wednesday I was in the middle of nowhere with work and I didn't get back till late so didn't see her then. I saw her yesterday evening and unless you've had a friend or relative who has had this kind of operation or suffers from it's not Alzheimer's but it's along that sort of line, we get half sentences then she struggles with a word she's trying to say and the hands are going as normal and it's oh it's what-a-call-it,etc but the frustration is there you could see it and I was getting tense as well as there wasn't anything I could do other then tell her to calm down, slow down and try again as gently as possible. It was good to see her and we got all the gossip that was going on in the ward of course, typical mother really well almost sometimes she wasn't quite there but it was good to see her.
Now to just get Social Services involved as there is no way on earth they can cope without help of some sort from them. Dad is doing good as he was worried but every visit perked him up a little :)
Might be out for Christmas might not be that's the thing...