Echoes in the dark

I picked up a big notebook I'd not used in a while and stumbled across this, written a few years ago now but true.
For I am forever balancing the light and the dark.

Echoes in the dark

Silent voices echo in my mind,
Echoing in the spaces between heartbeats,
Sometimes saying something, often saying nothing,
Different voices, echoes of joy, fear and lonelyness.
People all around, yet still alone,
Words been spoken without meaning,
Words been spoken without thought,
Words hurting like dagger wounds,
Hurting like ice to the soul
Fragmented the soul becomes,
Broken,yet safe and alive.
One tiny hope, a ray of light,
A light to lead the way,
But to where to be lead to and for what?
A voice cries out in the darkness,
Alone, you race ahead, hoping to save,
You come across the Abyss,
It's so dark, deep and yet soothing.
That voice again, this time telling you something,
You strain to hear, almost falling into sweet oblivion.
It's at that point you realise, it's yourself,
A soul pleading, don't give in be strong.
So here I walk the line,
The line between darkness and the light,
The eternal edge of the blade.

Voices still echo,
Echo in the night, in the space between dreams.
It's a battle, never won, never lost.
An eternal battle between the light and the dark.
In the shadows I must remain, ever twilight.
Looking into the abyss and laughing, knowing enough
Knowing enough to know,the abyss shall never claim me
And so the battle goes on...

(c)Me 2005

The ups, the downs and the downright strange aka My Week

It's been a while I know, I should post more often but I don't.
So what's been going on since my last post well the house is looking like it's been hit by high winds, there is paper missing everywhere, few rooms / areas have escaped the carnage that is my 2 sisters the seem hellbent on redoing the house how they want it, my mom god bless her is having none of it, she is saying no when it matters :). The kitchen ceiling is a mess at least one panel of plasterboard will need replacing if not 2. The spare room is now just that it looks sparce as well erm the carpet has been lifted, some furniture removed I think even the bed is gone although not sure on that one I'd have to look again and I'm not going to do that just yet. My room is escaping for the simple reason I said my room is fine, leave well alone! (or else) the or else being that well let's just say I can be what can only be termed "a right ass" and I could also change the locks, evil ME...
Anyway enough about the house and on to the rest of my week.
Last Saturaday I was invited out to Dundee to a mates birthday celebratory pub type crawl, not a proper pub crawl just we seem to hit a few of them is all..
It started off so well, The first one was a "Dundee FC" pub and Queen of the South had just beat them that afternoon and I went Oh yeah Queen of the South they did well against Aberdeen in the Cup.... my mate Dazz goes "this is a Dundee pub and they just got beaten by Queen of the South", I went "okay, new pub time :D"..
We then hit the balcony bar which was a nice little place quiet just the way I like it, of course we seemed to managed to have the one guy who was drunk already wander to our table, I mean by wander he had to get up some stairs and round the corner minding to duck as there is a beam about 6ft of the floor just around the corner, I love been short :D. We then went to "Starz" yeah with a Z everything that should have ended in an S ends in a Z in this place, it was okay the music was just about bareable then on comes this "muzak" and the DJ signing over it and stuff so we erm left and went to Dazz's "Local" which turned out to be a very, very fine Irish Pub with a brilliant Guitarist / Singer who well let's just say he's not very PC with the songs. Was ace, oh and through all this I only drank cola as I was driving home, next time I'm arranging for a bed someplace so I can drink.. That was the "up"
The "down" well that was pretty much "work" Monday to Wednesday.
Monday the boss and the "other" boss was in, stuff came in, I forgot to "Fax" copies to the other office as I thought copies had been taken - No.
Should have figured this out and faxed them Tuesday. Wednesday was a total downer - faxed the stuff only after I got asked if anything had come in.... :| and did that technically I wasn't meant and "broke" it or appeared to break it...
Thursday was strange the "broke" thing unbroke but then discovered other stuff that was broke late on, much of strange day - I love re-writing procedures so they all make sense and are all in the same layout not 20 different ones IN CAPS, bold, non-bold etc.. So I'm still freaking copy/pasting them into one document god bless "paste as unformatted text" which saves me all the hassle well a little - I still gotta reformat stuff like page titles and that.
Other Strange things this week include mum goes to new this and that and not actually bothering about the cost of it.
Oh and one last thing - I booked my checkup appointment at the local "Dental Access Place" - I can't find a dentist (well not really looked hard as well erm yeah that kinda thing) and now one of my other teeth is starting to give grief ARGH!

And then there was...

Well the service on my car didn't all get done at once due to it needing a new part and the garage don't keep them in stock, that and it will take more that a Saturday morning to fix it, it's going to have to go in during the week :-S the joy of that, the more I think about it the more I like the idea of just taking that day off work saves the hassle of trying to get the car into the garage, then into work on time or as close to, we shall just have to see, oh and it will cost me another £170 to get this done.

Zen...

So what's happening at Chez Gopher, well let me tell ya my sisters are taking over or it just seems that way...
My Aunt's been up for 2 weeks so bliss the minimalistic amount of cooking not that it actually bothers me, scrolls back to see what he wrote last time...........
I know it wasn't that long ago but it just seems it and the last post was kind of "out there random off the wall I'm pissed and blowing off steam" type of post.
Now things appear to be semiantly stabalist, hey the might not be spelled correctly or even exist but hey that's just a minor point and I'm allow them.
Now works be flipped, turned upside down or it just seems that way..
Well let's just say there is a new rota being put in place due to someone not doing as asked and getting what was coming to them, now where that left me I wasn't sure but I am at least sure now.. Dayshift mainly, 9-5 weekdays not the 8-4 could argue same-o-same but it's NOT. I answer the phones, take messages, transfer when needed, collect the mail and dump it into a tray to be collected I don't even need to open it :D, do the admin work, handle the deliveries and returns (it will be done right from now).. Typing up / modifying of work.
Meanwhile back at the ranch......
There are plans afoot to redecorate pretty much the WHOLE house, my room is mine so "Hands the hell off", the rest you can do with as ya like, it's a pity all the woodwork has a dark stain on it, I think it would look nice lighter but no painted it shall be, it does make sense just seems a LOT of money is being spent very quickly but I'm staying the HELL out I like life and I wanna keep breathing.

On a lighter note mum and I went out shopping yesterday well she was bored and wanted to go someplace and the shopping needed done afterwards we went to a local garden centre for lunch. It ended up an expensive weekend why because apart for shopping and lunch, my beloved car was due it's Annual service I threw some money at it and it's not done yet as still waiting on a price for a part.

Can I just say go visit Laura say hi, oh and wander over to Barb's and sit a spell..

What do I do now?

Okay I'm firmly at a loss here....
I pretty much live my own life even although I stay in my mum's house, I wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, and then sit at the PC and then sleep..
I do talk to her while I'm waiting on dinner getting ready and maybe eating it and a little in the morning but other than that not much...
Thing is of late, well ever since the "op" she had to remove the bruised blood on the inside of her head that screwed her speech up a bit and stuff. She's not been able to handle alcohol at all..
Now I don't know if it's just not being able to handle it or it's a combination of the alcohol and something she's been given to take at night but I've found her a few times on the floor, pissed as a fart and unable really to apparently get up.
Now I have said to her if she had a drink and is in bed and wants something to eat to just come as me and I'll go do it - no...
She tries to make something and fails always seems to have a banana in her had as well
strange that.. I mean she's fallen downstairs - no damage really she's been fine I checked her over, fallen out her seat in the sitting room straight forward as well knocking stuff over never breaking it as well..
Now we all know that "alchol" solves nothing, the thing is she's never been able to really talk to me and vice versa so starting now would be really hard.
It pains me to see her like that and no way can I move her at all, she has to do that herself and does eventually. I just cover her up with a blanket and make sure she's okay as best I can...
Does my head in like but I can't stop her drinking totally - even although she's just said after my aunt goes home "no more alcohol in here" not what I asked her to do - I just said cut down a little or don't take your tablets till your in bed and got something eat....
ARGH as all Mothers this FREAKING STUBBORN???

Thank You

I'd like to thank 3 lovely ladies on behave of my dear sweet mum, your gift arrived today and it's lovely, it will be cared for tenderly and will hopefully bring joy for at least a few months / years depends on how long it take for the green fingers to wear off..

So To Laura, Barb and Melonie - Thank You

** Hugs you all tight **