The ending of a chapter...

Well that's it over and done with, dad's in heaven now. The service was lovely minister did us proud, reminding us of how he was, not how he was at the end. So many faces I haven't seen in years were there but ask me who was and I could tell you all I can tell you is maybe just about who came to the buffet we had afterwards I think a few came to the service but then left, possibly out the other door I don't know. I was fine all through the service even when the closed the curtain, it was a cremation you see. I was holding it together real well then they sang the "Old rugged cross" I think I got about 2 words out and that was it, how I stayed upright I don't know only way I can think was God was holding me up, my mum couldn't sing it either we just stood holding on to each other...
So this is the end of the chapters of my life that feature my dad and on to chapters new where he'll still feature but just as a shadow..

Dad, thank you for giving me life, and the never ending curiousity for how things worked as it helped me so much and it defines who I do things I take a problem pull it apart see how it works or doesn't put it back together again as a solution, that and many other things besides..

My Dad 4/3/33 to 22/3/08 - Rest in Peace

Well it's finally over I think I knew that last night as I wrote the post, I knew he didn't have long, he died this morning at around 3am, I think I'm still not sure, he went peacefully in his sleep at least that's something.
The funeral is this Friday, I'm leaving all that to my sisters it will take all I have to keep plodding on, being strong for those who need it and I'm still going in to work on Monday as by then I'll need "space" and something resembling normality..
So long dad, it's been being fun and interesting knowing you, somethings you taught me I didn't realise you had done, thanks for that.

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. ... .. .. ........
Error data missing, restore from backup(y/n)?y
Error backup not found / corrupted, attempting to repair / find..
Unable to find / repair data, giving up!
Fatal error in Life.sys, reload..
Yeah uhuh that's just about maybe roundabout where I am right now..
I went into see Dad last night and I felt that I may as well not have been there as I got fuck all reaction to me talking to him, holding his hand etc trying to get something out nothing.. I said as much to my mum and she kinda agreed, I said to my oldest sister via text message in reply to a message she'd sent asking could I go in certain nights, I tried to put it in a nice way but I fucking guess they can't freaking read correctly as well about 10 minutes later phone goes it my OTHER sister DEMANDING to know what's going on... I explain and say you can tell her that too, no I'm sick of being the messenger, I went okay I'll tell her myself which I did.....
Scroll forward 12hrs - text message dad had an okay night, 1st time I've gotten one of those! 2 hrs later I'm out the office, phone goes "were wanted at the hospital right away", I said I'm not in the office I'll be there as soon as I can. I get there was there for 7 hrs, doing basically nothing, dad was half asleep mouth open etc.. THey said this could go on for days so WHAT BRILLIANT plan did my sister come up with we'll have one of us be there i.e 24hrs :| NOT FUCKING HAPPY BUNNY!!!!!!
I NEED MY GOD DAMN SLEEP STILL but do they actually CARE not a fucking JOT!!!!!! Oh well roll on 6am when I have to get up, waken up have something to eat, grab the paper and be in for 7am so I can take over.. I mean they asked me and they were bound to see I was tired I went "yeah" and I've been yawning as well guess they feel GUILTY in some way, me I'm at peace with myself and my dad, they AIN'T but I am going to be nice and not say they should be able to work that out themselves..
I think my mum thinks she's going with me, I don't remember being told she was to come.

It's Friday and I'm again not out anywhere....

I was meant to be going to see "Vantage Point" but my friend called off not at the last minute but 1st thing this morning when she came into the office. Now her excuse, she didn't think she had enough time to get enough sleep as she's got an appointment with the optition to see if she's suitable for laser eye surgery so she don't need to wear glasses anymore. Due to what they will do in the eye exam she can't drive in as her vision might end up a bit blurry for the rest of the day it's a morning appointment but she said she'd need to get up at like before 8 to get from her house to where the appointment is in time and she needs her beauty sleep...
The film was due to start at 8:50pm, it's 2hrs or there about call it 2 1/2 once you add trailers - that would be 11:20pm take her maybe 40 minutes to get home so home around midnight - she needs her 8 hrs! so that's out, We are going to see "The Spiderwick Chronicles" and "Vantage Point" on Sunday - If I can get away with it... very few things will stop me, not even the "guilt card" of looking after nephew will work anymore, although I don't think my sister realizes this yet, she will however, how soon is another matter...
Oh my dad is okay, he's was a little sleepy yesterday when I was in but he had had a lot of visitors in yesterday. Today of course is a different matter they've adjusted his meds and it's helping although he's a little bit disorentated and sleepy which is too be expected of course did he not try and go to the bathroom and misjudged getting out of bed, well rather fell out of bed and give himself a few bruise but he's fine.
More tomorrow night after I visit him.
Oh and speaking of sleep I think I'll go grab some given it's MIDNIGHT.

Situation: Vacent!

This is an automated message, the owner of this blog is currently unavailable....
NO not really, but well it kinda does sum up roughly, approximately where I am at present.
That place is somewhere, at least I'm sleeping a bit better (without pharmaceutical help). My dad was transfered to a hospice within the local hospital to give mum some much needed "space" my dad is a pain in the ass normally but now he is more so, he went in on Monday morning. We had to call the doctor in on Sunday,he was given an injection of some description I wasn't there but we had to get a neighbour in to carry him to bed as he really couldn't walk. I was actually able to get a fair amount of sleep last night so it's helping me as well. Mum is doing better so it's helping the only thing is I'll have to make sure she really limits any drinking she does late at night as well between the pills she has been given and the alcohol she ends up cooking stuff and then the next day not realising she done it, she doesn't burn anything and it tidy enough so she's aware at the time.
Oh and this is just a thanks to all of you who are taking time even if just a moment to think of my family, me I'll be fine, just pray for my parents.
On a lighter and brighter note it appears that the bone headed one aka my sister is talking to my mum again they had a long conversation the other day and it seemed to work.

I guess it's meant to be

Okay now this is a strange one, anytime I've went to be like served some place I seem to get someone called Laura, no seriously i do. I went into the bank at the end of last month to put in my pay check who served me some lovely young woman called "Laura", and again today in McDonalds I was served by a Laura, actually it didn't matter what queue I took I would have been served by a Laura yeah they had 2 on the tills - very bizarre, I think it's God's way of telling me something and yeah I hear ya I get the message.
So I guess I'm going to have serious look into getting my passport and seeing how much it will cost and what I need etc.
I know this post seems a little random but that is me of late random, more so due to slight lack of sleep over the past week, oh and my sudden liking for Morgan's Spiced and coke,ice optional. The lack of sleep thing I'm still trying to figure out falling asleep around oh 12:30am dispite going to bed early enough like 11pm, waking up around 4:30am then again at like 5:50 then getting up at 6:30 to get ready to head out the door..
I did it again this morning only it was 6:30 and not 4 yet I did need to be up at 7:30 so I could go look after nephew who my sister seems to think I've abandoned, I haven't I just have to fit work, sleep, eating, cooking and the other stuff I have to do + "ME" time, so something has to give.
I mean let me see he had "canoing" with his scout group today, I got to know yesterday but only after I sent a text asking if the Football was still on or not as he had a match supposed to be today which got canceled due to erm a little gallon or 50 of rain. I did really stop all day, drank tea and maybe sat down for 5 minutes while waiting to get going but that was it really. After I got back from looking after "the brat", I cooked dinner and then went shopping, was told "if you get the same thing every week why don't ya order it online", well I'm sorry I'm one for actually going round and visually remembering what I need besides it's "my space".
So all in all from 7:30am to around 7:30pm I didn't stop..
It's now 1am, I'm just about ready to "crash"..
Oh and on another note, my dad isn't very well he's picked up a chest infection and well between that and the stuff he's taking he's erm "seeing things", so not good also because he's not really moving his bony ass his feet are starting to swell up :|, I'll see what I can't do about that, probably not a lot but we'll see.
Oh and my sister are trying to buy the house, and I can either go in or not if not I pay them "rent"!!!! I may as well pay the freaking morgage myself as they probably cripple me money wise, fuck 'em both - they say they aren't being evil, yeah RIGHT!

Catchy song

I heard this song on the radio the other day and it was instantly catchy,
I've found the video for it on You tube, it's seems similar to the UK version one but just the music is slightly different.

and no, I've no idea why this video is so erm "off the wall".

A Poem...

Well I say a Poem, it's more a collection of words that are in lines..

Assassin

I come from the shadows,
And to the shadows I return
Death come swiftly on metallic wings.

I am the taker of life,
Death in an instant or,
Death in what seems like an eternity.

Slow death, quick death,
The choice isn't yours, it is mine,
Mine alone, for I am the assassin.

Poisons to slow you down,
Poisons to kill you faster,
Poisons to cloud your mind.

From the shadows I shall step,
You shall know me, for how briefly,
Only I know that.

For who am I? I am the assassin
Lightning quick, and twice deadly,
You had better pray I am on your side.

I am the assassin,
remember me well,
Death come swiftly from blades of steel.

(c)2008.
Yeah I've been playing my Orc Rogue too much again...

Happy Birthday Dad

Well today is Dad's birthday, probably his last but you never know, he has this darn stubborn streak a mile wide..
what can I say 75 today, About all I can say really :) Well that and I better scoot off to work...

... The End seems near, maybe / other stuff...

Well the title says it all really, the end is coming, how soon I don't know but right now it's not a pretty sight, I mean there wasn't much to my dad as it was but now there is even less. My Aunt has been up all week which has helped out a lot, she's managed to have a calming effect on mum which has helped greatly although she has a few times tested my patience. My Aunt is away home went home the same way she came by bus which of course I drove her to catch, there was no way I'd have not taken her :). So it's back to cooking I suppose :P. Yeah dad is doing okay just about holding it together, he sometimes sleeps downstairs in his nice reclining chair - well sometimes being a lot of the time now as I we can fully cover him up and put the chair almost flat so he's comfortable enough and warm enough.

What else have I been doing this week well let me see:
Me and the Boss both got pissy at a PCB design program that basically worked but didn't print on the printer he had - it worked before so we knew it should work again, yet the printer printed from other programs so it was weird - turns out it was the printer as he plugged in an older model and ..... PCB prints.
Got a few alarms sorted out. I'm sure there was more but right now mind it's blank.

I was able to get out last night to see a movie but due to the weather we've been having my friend decided it would probably be best to stay at home as it was freaking windy over her way - not nice really. I went to see "Jumper" good film, it did leave it open for a "Jumper 2" - of course it had the obvious twist in it but I'm not going to say anymore other than if you liked matrix n Bourne then you might like this. I also saw a few trailers for other films which I might just go and see too.

"May Peace walk beside you and in your heart forever."

There are people out there that just by being there are helping keep me sane and strong. Just remember true friends are there always, you can lean on them for support, so Barb if ya think you don't got the strength to carry on, lean on me, lean on Laura.