This one's for the Kids

This if for kids big and small.
Things mother taught me…

1. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
   "Just wait until your father gets home."


2. My mother taught me about RECEIVING....
   "You are going to get it when we get home!"


3. My mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...
   "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you ... Don't talk back to me!"


4. My mother taught me LOGIC...
   "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, your not going to the store with me."


5. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE...
   "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."


6. My mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...
   "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."


7. My mother taught me ESP...
   "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"


8. My mother taught me HUMOR...
   "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."


9. My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
   "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."


10. My mother taught me about THE BIRDS AND THE BEES…
    "How do you think you got here?"


11. My mother taught me about GENETICS...
    "You're just like your father."


12. My mother taught me about my ROOTS...
    "Do you think you were born in a barn?"


13. My mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE...
    "When you get to be my age, you will understand."


14. My mother taught me about JUSTICE...
    "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you... then you'll see what it's like"


15. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"


16. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
    "If you don't clean up your act,I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"


17. My mother taught me about RELIGION
    "You better pray that will come out of that carpet!"


18. My mother taught me LOGIC AGAIN
    "Because I said so, that's why!"


19. My mother taught me IRONY
    "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about!"


20. My mother taught me about the SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"


21. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM
    "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck?"


22. My mother taught me about STAMINA
    "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone!"


23. My mother taught me about WEATHER
    "It looks like a tornado went through your room!"


24. My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS
    "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"


25. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
    "If I told you once, I've told you a million times-don't exaggerate!"


26. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
    "Stop acting like your father!"

And most of all.....

27. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
    "I brought you into this world, I can take you out!"